Update

So here we are on February 1, 2012. This post is more for what has happened since my last post. I know I am not a very good blogger, but I do tweet and post quite a bit on the internet. I speak much of my spiritual views in this blog and this time I am wanting to add a little more to it and also place my politics within this post. Spiritually, with Mormonism, I am struggling to find a root that I can hold on to. I am a history buff and I like to adhere to something with its history. As you know, like I do, the history of Mormonism is very cloudy and difficult to understand. I have struggled with it since I was a young teenager. I went through my "rebellion" as a teenager because I didn't like what I saw in the history of the church. I won't go into detail as to what I do not like about the history, but just know there is more I do not agree with than there is that I do agree with. This is big to me. I served a two year mission in the southern part of our country (Texas) and I came across more information that I was not ready for yet because I had consented on serving for two years. I did so successfully. Most individuals I have spoken to didn't fall away because of transgression or anything similar, they did because they studied to be a better member. I studied quite a bit on my mission and when I returned home. I tried to make sense of it all by "proving" to myself through cognitive thinking that it made sense, when in fact it did not. Needless to say, anyone can have their view on what they believe to be "truth". I mean heck, I argued it for two years up against some very intellectual individuals and felt I was somewhat successful at doing so. If they did not agree with me, most if not all, could at least become friendly by the end of our discussion.

I read an article that Elder Jensen was a part of and it was quite interesting. Here is the link,

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/31/us-mormonchurch-idUSTRE80T1CM20120131

Elder Jensen acknowledges the decline in membership by individuals leaving the church by record percentages not seen since before Brigham Young. He sees the issue. Some of the brethren also see the issue. A lot of members do not see the issue. With Governor Mitt Romney one step closer to becoming the Republican Nominee after winning Florida, Mormonism will come more into the limelight and members will want to search more about their beliefs so their gentile brothers and sisters will have better answers to their questions. I feel this may only fuel what is happening that Elder Jensen acknowledges as something happening worldwide. Either the church must start to become fully transparent, just as we demand our government do the same thing, or more members will flee. I am sure this is a growing concern for the brethren on top of the church's chain of command.

As for my politics...I was one to support Mitt Romney back in 2008 because I felt the strains of the economy while selling automobiles at my father's establishment. With that being said, this time around I do not know who to follow. Mitt can be confusing as to where he is taking his campaign. I have to agree that he isn't doing this for money or anything similar. I do believe he is doing it for the mere sake of power. I mean who wouldn't want to have the most powerful job in the world? He could do a lot of good if he can turn our economy around just like he did with the Olympics in 2002 and also with his prior businesses that Bain capital was able to make profitable again (through questionable tactics, but ultimately successful). Obama has been President for 3 years now and he has not been able to hold to his promises during his campaign to be President. He has done quite a bit and I do believe he is trying his best. I also believe he is a good man and sincerely wants the best for this country. When individuals believe he is less American or that he hates the American people, I scorn them for thinking that! Sufficeth to say, I am becoming more liberal with my political views. That is why Romney still is in my thinking against Obama and vice versa. I do not support any of the other candidates in the Republican Party.

In conclusion it is important to bring my politics and religion together in this post. The more I see my faith shatter with the LDS church, the more I see my political views change and tend to shy away from conservatism. I have my reasons, and know that they are not because of transgression or anything similar to that. I love my family very much (wife and children) and will not make any decisions as of yet. I am still searching for that ROOT that I can hold on to. If you want to know why individuals leave the church, without transgression, John Dehlin makes a valid point in his podcast. Here is the link,

http://whymormonsleave.com/2011/08/01/hello-world/

Until next time! Leave comments if you would like me to clarify anything I've mentioned. Thanks!

Mine is Better

Mine is Better

Growing up in a sheltered life surrounded by influences with little difference, in any young persons mind it is easy to believe, mine is better. As the young individual is parading through life believing what they have been taught, the world is the stage and the individual is the star. This young individual is me, believing in spirituality the way it was taught and discovering the world was not so black and white as it was previously imagined. My image of mine is better, ceases to be. Instead of losing all egocentrism, tolerance and less judgment become fruits of the new belief.

Mental Stability

When children are brought up in a world safe of outside influences, it is easy to help them grow in their quest for achieving mental stability. In that quest, it is noted that the world is separated into mine is better, the white side, and yours is wrong, the black side. At this point, so long as it feels right and there is no regret, the white side is all that matters and it is easy to stay away from the black side.
When a child ventures out for the first time, the black and white analogy is difficult to follow because then it is discovered that gray area exists. This gray area is an area of confusion and also an area of curiosity. Once this gray area is experienced, it is difficult to forget it. The influence of it is stronger than believing mine is better, yours is wrong.

Spirituality

Spirituality for most is a belief that has continued throughout the generations of their family. They believe because everyone else they hold close to them also believe. Spirituality is much more than this. Spirituality is merely a belief in ones ability. Once this is mastered, the world’s black and white separation disappears and color is introduced. Suddenly the world has much more to offer the individual that has not been able to push the gray side out. With the introduction of color, the gray area is not of interest and the individual begins to see things for what they are.

Transformation Discussion

My world in recent years has changed. I used to believe that what I had for spirituality was much greater than what anyone else had. I felt sorry for those that could not have what I had. I judged those who did not believe as I did. Once I began studying many different views, those that sided with me and those that did not, my eyes began to be opened. I no longer pushed my beliefs on others, nor did I judge them for their lack of my belief. It was almost as if my belief was the one that was lacking.
Although my beliefs have changed in the topic of spirituality, my story continues. I find it difficult expressing how my beliefs have changed. The fruits I have obtained because of my change have made my story much less about me and more about others. Getting away from the mine is better thinking, has made me able to accept others for who they are and for what their story expresses. The key to ones self is the ability to push aside mine is better and to engage in a whole new way of thinking. This is done by engulfing the desire in unlocking the good from within, and pouring it out onto others, no matter how different a belief is.

Some thoughts...

So the last few weeks have been eventful. Things seem to be going by quickly and its hard to savor the moments. At the end of 2010, for New Year's Eve and day, we went to Disneyland with my side of the family. It was great. We had a great 2 bedroom villa that had a kitchen, laundry room, and so much else. Disneyland is one hoppin' place on New Year's. We had all decided to go to the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. In the alleyway just before you get there, they had it all decorated like you were in the Tron:Legacy movie. It was a hopping place! My wife and I both said if we didn't have kids and were freshly married, heck even if we weren't church goers, we would have been partying and drinking up a storm with all of the techno music. It was truly a fun place. My daughter and I, while everyone went on Soarin' over California, went back over there and danced around. She was so fun to watch. She is just like her daddy, which I have to watch out for, haha. She is an amazing little girl. This was one of my best trips i've been on. My wife and I want to do a cruise on the Disney Cruise-line next New Year's. Let's see what pans out.

I started up on clinicals again and man, it is a blast. I am excited to be able to do more of it when I am the one in charge and able to do what I need to. I've done quite a bit at this facility. I have been going to Jordan Valley Medical Center. The therapists are great to work with and the facility has a little bit of everything to do. I have one more visit to the hospital on clinicals, and then one more round of classes (1 month) and then I take the board exams. After that I continue with my bachelor degree, which is all online.

My wife is due very soon. She is about 6 weeks out from her due date. I assume she'll come early. She doesn't think she will, but I do. Obviously the longer she can keep him in there, the healthier he'll be. I am excited, but also scared at the same time. My daughter is totally stoked for her little brother to be here. I am very happy for that. I am excited because it's a new experience and I love change. I am scared because it is a big responsibility. I would love to have more time to spend both kids and my wife, but I feel I may be busy for a few years until I can do that. I have some ideas for the future as to where I want to go with my career and it may take away from their time. If I could stay home everyday and spend time with them, I would totally do it. Unfortunately we wouldn't survive if we did that.

Religion... I see a need for it, in some cases, but in others I don't. I am a strong believer in that religion is not to be number one in life, but family should be. Anyone who opposes my view there doesn't understand what joy is. Joy is not going to a meeting to discuss the welfare of others, when comparing it to time spent with your children and/or wife doing something together. There is more joy that can be felt in the walls of your home with family, than any church could offer. I have looked at several articles over the last few weeks about the church, other churches, and atheism. While all are very fascinating in their own respects, I am interested in the church (LDS) and atheism. In a lot of aspects they are similar in my own opinion. The reason why I say this is because they both reject the common Christian theme of normal worship. They both are trying to make the world around them better and are trying to do it their own way. Where atheism actually has an edge over the church is in hypocrisy. The church (in Utah) is very hypocritical. The saying goes, "The church is not as true in Utah" and this couldn't be more correct. The church outside of Utah is just another church, rather than the whole system of how things work. The church outside of Utah has to rely on everyone in the community for many things to work. They judge, yes, but not to the extent of the Utah members. If you disagree with me, then you have never seen another shade of white. What I mean by that is the people who don't see anything wrong with creme white have never seem true white or even white diamond. I assume this is the same way baptists in Houston feel when visiting other baptist churches up north. It is the name of the game and how things work. I am a believer in being different than the majority. If I live like a member outside of Utah in Utah, then I judge less, serve more, feel guilty less, and just plain don't care what others say about me. If I were outside of Utah, living in a community where I was a minority, I would try to attract the majority. This is missionary work at its finest. I am positive that when you can stand higher than the others, people take notice and success comes. Now I am not one that does it because it is expected for me to do it, I do it because I want to do it. I am not one that will do my home teaching for the number. I will do it if I have the desire to help the family. I am not going to lie, I haven't done my home teaching for the entire time I have been in this ward (1 year). I have been set up to teach someone I have no idea who they are. I hear some great things about them, but I don't have a desire to do it. In my last ward, I did have the desire to do it. I felt the need for some help in their lives. I did it every month. I still have contact with some of those people. One is a good friend of mine. I am probably missing out on the opportunities to get to know the individuals I have been assigned to, but I haven't felt a need to do it.

The "anti-Mormon" stuff that is out there, to me really isn't anti, but is there to really help you develop a testimony for yourself rather than what you've grown up to know. I am not a member that could get up and say that I know this church is true, because to me I am lying to what I've come to know. As I have said before, there are many roads that lead to Rome, some are more rugged than others, some may be longer than others, but they all lead to the same destination. I believe it is the same thing with the afterlife. We are all on our own path, trying to get to the same place. I have found some websites that share information (from church members like me) that show us where the "anti" stuff may be a little off, but they do not ever come out and say it never happened, it never was, and that it's wrong. They actually acknowledge what happened as truth, but where the tangent is. So you end up not judging the church as much as you would if you had read only what is being said. I don't think the people that write it are really out to hurt the church in that way, they are expressing their knowledge and hoping that it helps others. Mankind is a strange breed. We are beings that try to help out others, out of our desires for ourselves. Let me explain what I mean with this. If we are studying something and feel it is so right and feels so good, the next thing we would like to do is proclaim it to everyone else! This is because in some cases we would like the recognition of others to believe the same thing. This is how we work and how we are programmed. We feed off of the input of others, whether we like to think we do or not. We are always doing something for someone else for recognition somewhere. Whether it is "God" or the attractive person you've just come to know, the recognition is the same. I find myself doing it all the time. When I am watching a movie with my wife and I laugh at a part, I turn to look at her to see if she was laughing. I am looking for the recognition. Human kind is always looking to better itself, that is why we can build things that no other animal can in this world.

So if you are one that has to devote everything to God, just know that your effort may feel like it is better than the other person who may devote everything to their family, but in reality, it is the same. You may work very hard to "impress" God, but the other guy is working very hard to "impress" his family. I don't know if that makes sense at all. Maybe this will help. When I was growing up, my dad approached me before grade school started and told me that for every "A" I received, he would pay me for it. This was a huge motivator for me to do well, because I could save that money and buy something great. I had straight A's all throughout grade school and junior high. My dad did the same thing with my brother that is just younger than me and to his surprise, it didn't work as well. He did well in school, but not as well as he could have in some cases. My brother didn't feel like money was worth working harder for. I did. With this analogy I think it makes more sense for those out there working harder in their life for either God or their family or any other thing. Now granted, if you put too much into one, you miss out on the rest of what you have neglected. For instance, if all you eat at the restaurant is the rolls they bring out before your meal, you become full and therefore cannot enjoy your meal. If you take small portions and spread it around, not only do you get the rolls and meal, but you also get the dessert. So it is with life. This is what I've come to know over the last several months of thinking. My family is my first effort, but I have to work, go to school, and even worship a little. I will admit, the worship part isn't as high as it used to be. My family is the crown of my achievements.

Hopefully after reading this, it sparks an interest in getting to know what is important to all of us and not judging where we may have gone wrong, because we know that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. It is the learning that comes from making the mistakes, that success feeds off of. When we feel successful at something, we want to feel that again and we will work harder for it. It almost becomes a drug, but in a good way. So let's make the world a better place and try our hardest to put the right things in place in our lives and not worry too much what everyone else is doing. Human kind eventually figures it out.

"Peachy"

If you know my little family, it is no surprise that we are pregnant with a little guy. My daughter absolutely knew she would be having a "boy". She is an amazing little child that knows what she knows. She doesn't have to think twice about it. She knows. Anyway, we have around three months to go until the little guy comes and then we will be parents of two! How crazy does that sound? I will be 26 very soon and with two children! Its been a trip to get this far. I know we all look forward and think, "where will I be in 5 years?" If I had known I would be here, I wouldn't have been as worried. I have a beautiful wife, an intelligent daughter, and a son on the way. School should be done soon (certain aspects of it) and the auto business is getting better than it was a year ago. Things seem more peachy than they did a year ago. Unfortunately, when things are peachy, things aren't as they seem. So with that being said, I plan on discussing in this post what isn't "peachy" in the good neighborhood.

The un "peachy" topic in my life has been religion. All you who know me know that I served an LDS mission in the Texas Houston East Mission and enjoyed every bit of it. Some would say that I served a successful mission and others would have the exact opposite opinion. I would say that I served the best I knew how to and that's all that matters to me. So let's dig a little deeper as to why I have an issue here. Let it be known now that I have reached a conclusion amongst all this mess, but I feel I am still not out of the rough yet. Things aren't as black and white as I once had thought they were. Black and white is the way things are taught and I found out there were more colors in there that my naked eye couldn't catch until further examination.

It all started when I arrived at the age of 14 years old and I had gained a little bit of knowledge and that started the ball rolling. I had come across a subject matter on Joseph Smith that told a story about a circumstance when Emma walked into the home and saw him kissing a young 14 year old girl that he and Emma had "adopted" as their own. I was somewhat shocked because I had always been taught that it was just Emma and Joseph. Their undying love forever! Obviously this wasn't the case. So I kind of fell away for some time and eventually found my roots again and was able to "pass" on that info. I immersed myself into the gospel "meat", or at least what I thought was "meat". By this I am meaning the deeper doctrine of the church. I learned about how to gather the information given in the Doctrine and Covenants and the Book of Mormon, and the Bible and really be able to tell a great story with it. I learned to do it so well on my mission that I was summoned by a lot of seminary teachers to have me teach specific topics to their students, such as the Second Coming and other apocalyptic events. I fed off of it because it was very interesting and to me I felt like I was seeing the signs all around. So I felt like my testimony had become almost impenetrable to anyone who would throw anything at me. I served in the Bible belt in Texas and came across every type of "Christian" out there. Everything from JW's to Satanist (yes I look at them as partly Christian, just the other side of the equation). I felt like I learned what I needed to know to help them see the light I had with the Gospel that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had. I was "successful" in gaining people to the understanding I had. Whether they were baptized or not was not my goal. My goal was to set as many seeds as I could and to reap the benefits of those who already had grown and came to know.

Along the journey of my mission, I found many people with intriguing stories about the church that at the time didn't seem correct in my findings. I just told myself that I would store the info in my mind for another day when I wasn't serving my mission to understand what they were pointing towards. I was always taught that in every lie, lies a truth that started it. If that makes any sense at all. The Church teaches that the "lies" about the Church were in fact truths at one time until the individual who came across it twisted the truth out of it. In some cases I can agree to that statement. There are a lot of individuals out there that have a tendency to not like anyone or anything and want only to harm others. I see those people as misfits and they should be ignored. When you look more into the info that is thrown out at the missionaries a little deeper, it is difficult to see where some of the twists had taken place. Especially when those twists look like they came from the Church themselves. I was clued into this notion when I was told to burn the "purple dragon" (we called it that because it was huge and boring with a purple cover) handbook that we as missionaries were told to use for training to become better missionaries. It didn't make a lot of sense to me, but I did as I was told and we burned it, along with the 7 discussions I started my mission with, and we encircled our efforts around the new "Preach My Gospel" manual for missionary work. When I burned that book (purple dragon) a seed was planted in me. Why was my church making me burn something that was "of value" when I arrived and then shunned later. The only thing I could think of at the time was because we all hated the book so much it would make us feel better once it was gone. Okay, so let me back up here a minute, we weren't told to "burn" the book, but we were told to "destroy" it. It is a lot of the same thinking that goes into "destroying" our garments that aren't of use anymore. Why this bothered me is because the Church is always saying that the books that come forth today are "latter-day doctrine" and should be taken as scripture. If scripture then was being "destroyed" for new scripture, why do our other "scriptures" still have a precedence today? We do have proof that some scripture are pulled from "cannon" because they are no more relevant to the "Church" as a whole. The example I have was the "Lectures on Faith" which was included in the original Doctrine and Covenants and then pulled by our Church in 1921. I am not really sure as to why, but the only conclusion as to why I don't care for it is that it supports the "trinity" that many other Christian denominations cleave to. So I believe it was pulled because it didn't support the solid doctrine that our Church follows to be true. There are many other examples, but not enough time or space to go into. I am not trying to spill everything I have studied and come to know, but merely trying to support an idea that has stemmed from all of this.

When that seed was planted in me, I decided to slowly study one topic at a time to come to know for myself how to go against those who fought against our Church. Plus, I was a priesthood leader and needed to know something for the questions that could come to me from being in the position. So what I did is I took one topic at a time and learned all that there was to know from the Church's standpoint. I felt like there was more, because of all the loose ends. The Church isn't loose in specific events that took place or even doctrines that were taught. So I went elsewhere to find more info. I first hit the professors of BYU and their findings, along with the Apologists for the Church. A little more of the story was being told with them and then I dove into the deep end and tried to find info outside of the Church. The missing pieces seem to show more light at this point and a better picture was being shown.

Something that is interesting to note: I am an auto salesman for a GMC Buick store and have become very fond of those vehicles. If I was to find out all I can about other products, I can go to the "horses mouth" and therefore learn what I can about them. But, like others know, when you go and look at a specific dealership and ask about their product, you will hear nothing negative, but always positive. Hence you lose the opposite side of the story. I could tell you that the best product on the road is the Pontiac Aztec and give you every reason why and probably sell you on it, but the reality is that it is a horrible product because of the acceptance by the public. In reality it was one of the best products out there, but the design scared people off and made it one of the biggest blunders of GM. If someone really wanted to know what the product was about, the best thing for them to do is to go to "outsiders" and take what they say as a grain of salt. If you would go to the Toyota store, they would give you all the negative, but if you go to the regular used car dealer that sells anything and everything, you might hear a better side of the story without all the fluff that the other salesman had added. This is huge in trying to find a vehicle to purchase. I study what I need to about the other products out there and I spill what I need to for a gain in my pocket. It's business. But, I will always tell the customer that I am biased towards GM because it is my livelihood and they should seek others input to get a better understanding for themselves. Normally I will get a customer back because they have a seed set on them. That seed was not a negative one, but a positive one with potential to increase in size.

With all that being said, I figured it was best to get the whole story rather than the story I had grown up with and was being told. The reason why individuals "fall astray" in the Church and end up leaving are for obvious reasons like adultery, gambles, etc. but no one ever talks about the Sunday School teacher that only wanted to be a good teacher and sound interesting to those who came to listen. He/she is the individual who wants to dig deeper and find something just a little bit more interesting than the other guy that taught it. It is what makes humans different from each other, to out do the other. So they look towards the Church info and can't find much different, and then the turn to other sources such as the discourses by Brigham Young or articles written by Bruce R McConkie. Almost everyone I have spoken to on this matter have found great info from those source and others, all church member info (most from apostles and prophets) and then everything comes crashing, the flower from the seed that was planted begins to make shape and all is revealed as to what the flower is going to be. It is hard to read those sources and not fall into a doctrine that was taught or an event that happened that the teacher had not ever heard of in prior studies. This is what brings more individuals out of the Church than the normal reasons we hear about. The fall into a story or doctrine that sparks more mystery and then puts a different light on other aspects. "Following blindly" usually pops into mind by this point because the blinders have been pulled aside and therefore the world looks different than it did. This only happens because the individuals realizes then that the root for a testimony prior had been pulled out from underneath. It almost becomes a shallow root that was easy to pull.

There is only one of two different routes to go at this time, when an individual meets this fork. It is either to be FOR the Church or AGAINST it. Some who choose the latter normally feel it is their obligation to warn the others about the info that they had come across and therefore only become bitter to an extent that the "Man behind the Curtain" was in fact just a man. It is an easier path to follow if you ask me. Believe me, I have thought of taking that path many times because it is easier to travel. The harder path is to stay FOR the Church. The reason why it is more difficult to stay with the church is because uncertainty abounds. I see this as a strength to the individual who chooses to see it as a strength. Uncertainty always leaves doubt, which fuels curiosity, which pushes an individual to find out more. Questioning everything is definitely a chore and becomes a task that is never ending for he/she that chooses to follow it. Isn't questioning something the very idea of gaining a belief in something and then eventually arriving at knowledge? We are here to gain knowledge. He/she who doesn't question is missing the very key to unlock the doors to unsurmountable opportunities.

If we look in history of any civilization throughout our tiny existence as humans, the one key that brought power to the dominating another wasn't strength by muscle or even the location as to where the civilization was from. It was knowledge. This is why the library of Alexandria was burned when Rome defeated the Greeks. They destroyed their knowledge and replaced it with the Roman rule and their knowledge. The nation with the most knowledge gains the respect and honor of the others and therefore allows for one to rule the other. If we as "children of God" wish to exemplify Him, we must choose to question and eventually arrive at Knowledge. It's a progression that we all must face and how we face it will determine how our lives are lived. If we choose to question, the power to whatever is desired is closer and at hand. Some can say this could be used for personal benefit, but in reality, everything we do is for personal benefit. We are all trying to survive better than we did yesterday. What Christ taught, I believe, was something greater than what we all do today. If we can survive "well" for ourselves and help others do the same, this is the gospel He taught. Philanthropists could be an example of what I am speaking here on an extreme scale. They have accomplished so much and therefore wish for others to gain what they have. I do feel that some of them do have it in their hearts to make others better off than they otherwise would have been because they have learned to survive "well" and want others to have that opportunity. This is the path we follow to gain "true knowledge". This is what I believe Christ wanted for all and what I also believe is the "gospel".

This brings me to my final point. When someone says "I know this Church is true" what does this exactly mean? Well for each person that is different. It could be home teaching, it could be families, it could be Jesus, it could be a lot of different topics. Those are all aspects of the Church. The Church, if we look at it from the beginning (1820 and on) has always been "changing" or molding into something better than it was before. Some find it in their ability to institute certain doctrines that may or may not have anything to do with the eternal aspect of existence for the world as a whole. Others, go along with the previous teaching and play the neutrality card to gain favor from specific groups. You can see this also in the governments of the world. It is how the game is played. I believe to this point, from what I have studied and gathered in my quest for truth, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints really is two different entities rather than one.

The two entities are: The Church, and The Gospel.

The Church is by definition a body of people that gather in a building or location of some sort to worship.

The Gospel is an entity that to me is eternal and essential to our existence here and in the hereafter.

Here is an easy way to understand what I am trying to help you understand. Picture yourself about to retire, you are single, no children and ready to leave work for good to enjoy other pleasures of life. You decide to become a hermit and build a cabin in a remote location in the mountains far from any civilization. What is left when you take away everything is what? Not the church you gather at, or the people that fill it, or even the books your read from. It is the gospel that we are to live. That is what remains! It is constant and can be lived anywhere by anyone. This is what is essential in our living here on Earth. Not where Kolob is, or when Christ will come, or any other fluff that is out there. It is Faith, Repentance, Baptism, the Gift of the Holy Ghost and one final step is the enduring to the end. That is all we need and it is what will get us to the end result, knowledge. I would also have to point out that Faith is the biggest step to take because it requires work. The rest follow fairly easy. It is essential to all, whether a LDS or Muslim, or even the Atheist, to know how to institute faith into their life. Faith is merely a belief in something not seen. It could be a vision of how a structure should be built, a farmer who hopes for crop, or the child who relies on the little bulb to light their room at night because of their fear of the darkness. Faith is what guides all of us, because we just don't "KNOW".

To conclude: What separates the Gospel from the Church? I don't know the answer to that question, but I hope to know one day. Every day that goes by I learn more and get closer to that answer. All I can look at is the tools I have and then I have to find out for myself. Once I find out for myself on specific directions, I can then go and help others to the point I am at now. This is something that I haven't come close to fully understanding but I hope to one day. The analogy I like to follow is that there are many paths that lead to Rome, every one of them are different, but all lead to the same destination point. Some are rough, some are smooth, and others are both with other obstacles. Each person is molded from the journey they make to get to Rome. Who we are when we arrive at the end result of Rome is determined by how we travelled the path we were given. Some feel it is their duty to tell you that London is much better than Rome. Something must be understood, we are all on a path to Rome, if we decide to go back to where we came from, we kind of become lost in our quest to find truth/knowledge or even belief. We kind of lose faith/hope in not just religion, but life as well.

So my warning to everyone at this point is this: If you are interested and can't seem to get enough of "information" keep going with it and never stop, because the ball cannot stop rolling until someone of Authority (not of this world) can stop it. If you are one who hasn't gained a thirst like some of us for "information" then I tell you to stay away from it and live your life according to your beliefs. Because if you haven't tapped into it yet, and don't have a drive to keep it going once you have tapped into it, then you are doing a disservice to yourself and your family. Yes your family, because they are a apart of of your life too. Don't develop a taste for something you intend on not pursuing. It will only be that much more difficult to stop later.

So I feel I am back on the path I need to be and moving the right direction than I did before. I feel that I can accept certain aspects that I have come across in the "Church" because the "Gospel" keeps me into it. I know some of you may think this is very petty of me to believe this way. But hey, it works and I can sleep at night. Who knows where I will be in 5 years from now? Only time will tell. As for now, I hope things continue to be "Peachy" for those who don't care for excitement. (No pun intended)

It's been a long time...

So time has passed since I have last updated my blog. I am not too good at this since it is a little out of the way with not being on my handheld iPhone. I use Twitter and Facebook frequently and going to the blog spot doesn't seem too appealing.

Lately we have had a lot happen in our little family. For a year now I have been attending Stevens-Henager College in Murray in pursuit of a Bachelor degree in Respiratory Therapy. It has been a great experience thus far. I will be completely done with it in January 2011. That sounds like a long time away, but it is only 8-9 months away. I have clinical rotations that I will be doing for 3-4 of those months. So in reality I am almost done. I just have to get more hands on training and get more comfortable with that. I am planning on getting the degree and then working in the hospital for a part time job and then working at the dealership full-time. Business seems to be picking up slowly and we are getting some great product. So I feel like I should also have my foot in the door of the dealership. If you were to ask me a year ago if I was going to stay at the dealership much passed graduation, I would have told you heck no! It was not the first thing on my mind. The first thing on my mind was to finish school and then leave the state. Why leave the state you ask... I'll discuss that later. I know my in-laws didn't like the idea and my parents hated the idea as well. They all wanted me to get a degree so I have something to back our family up in case something terrible happens with the economy again.

I will be honest, I am getting burned out of having school every month and not having too many breaks in between. The only break I get in the whole year is Christmas. It is only two weeks. I cannot complain too much after I graduate because it will be so much quicker than going to a conventional college. But, I will complain as of right now since I still have 8-9 months to go. I feel like I am getting most of the material, but I also feel like I am missing a whole lot of material as well. I hope it all comes to me before graduation because I have an exit exam I have to take and pass to get my degree.

Last month I spent my clinical rotation at Promise hospital near the U of U. It is the old Holy Cross hospital. I was on floor 2 and 3 and thought it was a great facility. I enjoyed my time there. There is a manager there by the name of Max who also has a nickname of Mad Max. He fits his nickname very well since he is literally the one who knows, or thinks he knows, every thing about Respiratory Therapy. He started the Stevens-Henager Program several years ago. He is a plethora of knowledge and I tried to get what I could out of him. I had to spend 3 different days with him out of the 8 total we had there. The other students only spent 1 or 2 times with him. This next month I will be spending my Wednesdays and Fridays at South Davis Hospital up in Davis County. It will be interesting. I hope I pick up what I need to be a good RT. We will see how it goes.

As for why I wanted to more out of state once I am graduated... The reason for my thinking on this issue is because of many reasons. I hope to not offend anyone with what I type about this, because no offense is intended. First, without a doubt in my mind I do believe it would help Amanda and I only grow closer together and strengthen our already strong relationship. That is not the offensive reason. I am honestly just tired of the typical Utah Mormon. I know this is hard to pin-point and in reality I could classify myself in this category. I just see too many individuals who take what we have as members of the church, for granted and it is hard for me to keep pushing it off. For instance, when a member of the church tells me I am going to hell or not going to look like a returned missionary if I have facial hair, I feel this is a little out of whack for me. This has happened on my than one accord. The most recent was an elderly man who came into the dealership and purchased a vehicle from me prior to my facial hair. He told me that only people who rebel against God are the ones who have facial hair. He said that I should always look like I was clean. I told him that facial hair was not something most people thought was dirty and I for one didn't either. My wife has loved me having it as well. After I told him my wife liked me having it, he replied with a disgusted look on his face that we men should do what is right no matter what our wives thought. I told him I am fine with doing what is right and my wife always chose the right, so how could this make her first wrong choice? Haha. Obviously I was trying to get out of an awkward conversation. It is members like these that judge others for what they are doing and not judge themselves on a personal level. I put my pants on the same way everyone else does, everyday. Another reason is the members outside of Utah, for the most part, recognize the blessing of having the church in their life. They are more appreciative of it (at least the active members are). In Utah, you must go to church or suffer the wrath of the members for thinking you are a horrible person for not attending. My manager for instance is not a member of the church, but some members down the street from him told their child they could not play with his child because they were not members of the church. What a horrible thing to have happen. That could have been a teaching/missionary opportunity that was destroyed. Obviously this is a people problem and not a church problem. The church isn't less true because of its members. In a way I guess I am judging the members in Utah, because I think the way that I do. I try not to, so I am sorry if I do.

Last but not least, I have been studying more about our church as I usually do and keep coming across some interesting things in history. I keep trying to find pieces that will prove the church is true or the church is false. I have come to a realization that you can find neither. No one can prove it to be true or false because then the faith factor wouldn't exist. I do believe the church is true, but I do not know without a shadow of a doubt that it is, because the Lord wants me to have faith. Without faith, personal choice is taken. If I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the church is true, then I would have no personal choice as to how I should live my life. I would be forced to live and operate under the dictations of this church. The Lord knows that we must have full choice options here in this life to learn the most out of our existence. The more we mess up and fix our problems, the more we learn to be more like Him. This goes for anything we intend to learn or seek to do well in.

I did study an interesting court hearing that Joseph Smith was involved in back in 1826, just a year before he received the Gold Plates from Moroni. It had to do with him being a treasure seeker, meaning he would go around looking for treasures in the ground. It wasn't a great profession back in the day and was heavily looked down upon. The account goes as follows. Joseph was in possession of a seer stone which could see the future, past, present and also anything the individual desired. Another individual was told that Joseph possessed this power and therefore approached Joseph and asked him if he would help him find some gold in the area and that he would pay Joseph a hefty amount of money to do so. Joseph kept refusing to help him because he knew it was not something he should do. As we all know, this happened again later with the 116 pages that were lost, because Joseph could be easily persuaded to do anything if you kept asking him. So he finally agreed to do this and the individual took him to a place that was near the Hale residence (Emma's Family). They began to dig and had a decent mine being excavated. No treasure had been discovered for the whole time they were digging. Emma's father spoke about the incident like he was disgusted with Joseph and the others for wanting to "get rich quick" and when Joseph asked for the hand of Emma in marriage, her father told him no. They later eloped and returned married where her father could not reject Joseph. The individual who had Joseph look for the treasure, became angry because Joseph called everything off, and therefore ended up in a court hearing. Because it was a pre-hearing where they were just trying to get a verdict if it needed to go further, there were not many papers written or records kept. Some records were kept and some were lost because another woman found the record years later and ripped the page(s) out and misplaced them. The fact states that Joseph pleaded guilty to treasure seeking. Even if he was guilty, he is still a man and nothing more. He may have a calling that requires more out of him, but he is still a man. With this being said, he was guilty of using a super-natural power to find treasure for his own monetary gain. This doesn't surprise me at the least because I am reminded of Moses who called on his own power and struck the rock and made water flow from it for his people who complained to him. Moses was then not allowed to go into the promised land because he received his chastisement from God, because he didn't recognize it was God's power and not his own. So in a sense, he boasted about the power God gave him (calling he had) and was not allowed to enter because of it. Joseph was a man just like Moses. I believe that Joseph could not receive the plates for 4 years because mentally he was not fully committed to God. This experience could very well justify that. I also think he had other issues that a young boy/teenager would have when given a huge responsibility and divine intervention to help him along the way. The divine intervention is no different than the miracle of a newborn, or the way a single mother can provide for a family of 4 with 2-3 jobs. This divine intervention he was given was for the welfare of everyone around him. Joseph was also in another court situation in 1830, around the time the church was founded, and the Hearing of 1826 was not referenced, so with my own opinion on the matter is that he made an impression well enough in court that it didn't bring anything to the new hearing in 1830. Hopefully this makes sense as to what I have studied on the matter. Joseph learned quick what he was going up against and I am sure he had plenty of mistakes later in life. Remember, he was a man, just like any other man, he just had a calling that required more of him.

So needless to say, I have fun learning more about the history of the church and also trying to know where my testimony stands with everything. The more I can learn, the more my testimony becomes mine and not borrowed or blind. One of the tragedies of our day are when people follow blindly and never question what is being taught or told. How else can one learn and know for themselves if something is what they hear it is. How does anyone learn anything if they never question what is being told? Do we not become more enlightened and well-versed when we question and study out the answers? I question what I can and learn what I can, because if someone comes to me and has the same question, I hope to send them on their way to studying it out for themselves as well.

In conclusion, my testimony of the things I have spoken of have not taken me away from my belief that the church is true because I know where I stand with God and I know what will get me back to Him. I feel my testimony has only become stronger rather than weaker. I hope to study more as things come my way, because studying is the key to knowledge. If someone wants to KNOW something, then must seek it out, just as the scriptures declare. Comments? Feel free to leave them. I welcome it.

So Little Time...

So if you have ever had an anatomy class on the college level you know just like I do that it is just one heck of a course that involves most of your time.  I have lecture Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with lab on Thursday (that last from 1-4p.m.).  Each lecture session is one hour and requires a lot of reading during the week to stay up to beat with what is being taught.  On Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I go back to the school right after work or later in the night around 9:00 p.m. for a thing called "open lab" where there are a lot of student teacher assistants and other students learning the same things you are.  I usually go until about midnight every session.  So if you take the lectures and add them up you get 3 hours.  If you add lab you get 3 hours. Finally if you add the open labs you get 9 hours.  Total with all three sessions you get 15 hours a week of structured studying a week.  I am not even counting the time I spend at home and work studying the structures and reading the chapters to know what is going to be taught for the next lecture and lab.  So figure at most 18 hours a week.  That is almost a full day of just anatomy!  Sounds like a mess I know, but it is helping me do better in the course.  I started out in the course failing everything for the first week or two and then started attending all the extra stuff and today I received an 80% on my lab quiz.  That is HUGE improvement.   I was pretty excited.  I just have to do it this semester and things should hopefully get better as it goes.  

I feel kind of guilty when I leave my wife and my daughter at home when I could be spending that time with them.  I do have to thank my wife for being such a huge support though for letting me do it.  She is a huge support for me to get it done.  If it were my choice, I would probably not go as much.  She is pushing me to do better and that is what I love about her.  The time we do spend together we cherish and love.  Needless to say we try to make the best of our time together.  Things will be better when this semester is over.  We have a Disney Cruise planned in May as soon as class gets out.  It will be a blast. We are totally stoked and can't wait.  It will make this semester come to an end with a huge relaxing trip.  We are doing it for our 3rd anniversary.  I can't believe it is already 3 years.  How crazy is that?  Time goes by fast when you are having fun eh?  Next month (in 2 1/2 weeks) Addi turns 1 years old.  I can't believe it.  It seems like just yesterday I took Amanda to the hospital to deliver her, that was a funny story, haha.  

Things are kind of crazy in the family right now.  Not my immediate family, but my extended relatives on the Gregory side.  It is kind of sad to say the most.  Certain family members fasted for "family unity" to come into the family again.  I chose to be the one in our little family to fast.  Amanda wanted to but, since she is still feeding, can't.  I haven't been able to fast now for about 4 years.  The last time I had fasted was on my mission and I ended up shortly after doing so in the hospital for bleeding ulcers.  So needless to say I was grateful for the Lord giving me the strength I needed to fast for such a broad cause.  If nothing comes of it, I will at least know that I was able to get closer to my Savior and my immediate family (Amanda and Addi) will be blessed because of doing so.  We already see the blessings everyday that the Lord bestows upon us.  We acknowledge Him in all he does and we are very grateful.  It is the times when we start to think it is because of us that something is coming our way or we forget to thank the Lord for what we have, that we lose everything.  That is something Amanda and I have engrained within each other the last 6 months or so pretty solidly.  We had in the past for a while, but I have to admit I lost focus some of those successful times.  The Lord is always watching us. I know that and I also know he has his hands in ours lives constantly. 

Sorry, this is more of a journal post and that's it.  I will try to post more in the upcoming moments I get, but as you can see, almost 24 hours of the week I am doing Anatomy (by the way, the skull landmarks SUCK! There are so many of them!). I do think this is important and that's why I am doing this post now.  That is all that is currently happening at the moment so tune in next time! Thanks!

So, New Year's is filled with plenty of new resolutions.  Mine consist of the same things it seems every year.  Committing to work out more so I can be hot for my wife to be around, eating healthy and doing well in school.  My wife and I decided we were going to do a couple of our own.  We decided that if we went to the temple once a month, then we would be closer as a couple.  I believe that and I hope to do it.  I love to be at the temple.  It helps me forget the world around me especially if times are difficult at work.  With all the new temples going in just up north of us, we could possibly go to those and check them out to see how they are.  I have a cousin getting married in the Draper temple at the end of the month in May.  I am totally stoke for him and his fiancee.  School is starting this week and I am totally not ready for it.  Two of the classes I am taking are retakes.  I have taken them before, so I know what to expect.  That's why I am not ready for them.  This is the first semester in a while that I have taken 12 credits.  I normally take anywhere from 8-10 credits.  School starts Wednesday and so does the headaches that follow.  On a lighter note,  it is awesome to be a dad.  My daughter is so much fun to be around now.  She has such a personality.  Last night we went to the BYU Mens Basketball game against Wake Forest and she just had a blast.  She lasts longer in the basketball games more so than the football games.  She likes to be inside for the games but outside all the rest of the time.  When music was playing when there was timeouts, she was dancing up a storm.   She is definitely a music lover.  Anytime she hears a song she likes, she dances to it.  She has the beat.  We will have to film her one of these days to show how she is.  The other night I came home from work and she was in the tub.  It was hilarious because Amanda was trying to keep her in there for as long as she would permit so when she got out it was bedtime, and she was splashing left and right just having a blast in there.  When she got out, Amanda was putting her diaper on and I went to entertain her and she was shivering up a storm smiling and reaching for me.  It was funny to watch but cute as well.  I will admit, having a girl first for a child, has softened me.  I am a softy.  On New Year's Day, we went and saw "Marley and Me."  I teared up in so many different parts.  Anything that involved the dog and the kids hit me.  My daughter has made me a softy.  I am not ashamed of it at all.  She is a lot of fun to be around.  She is just a little doll.  Just some information... I started a blog elsewhere and it didn't really work as well as this one, so I deleted it and now I am starting this one as kind of a journal insert.  I am terrible writing and I am faster typing.  So with that being said, this is my only blogging area.  Thanks for reading! I will be posting from time to time.